What Not To Do

....in a movie theater, a date, a restaurant, a grocery store, a friend's house, etc. Just don't do these things and you will be set for life with a lot of people that like you.

Movie Theater: Don't take forever getting your freaking tickets. I cannot emphasize this enough. When you go to a movie, you don't sit at the front of the line forever to ponder which movie you're going to watch while EVERYONE BEHIND YOU IN LINE IS WAITING. No. You get your butt up there and you say it. If you can't think of something in under 4 seconds, pick the first one you see. Simple as that. Don't get confused. While you're in the movie, don't put your feet up on someone else's chair. Specifically, the person in front of you. First of all, it's just rude and...disgusting. Who wants your foot in their face? They're just trying to enjoy their Cruncha Bunchas and there you are, sticking your gum trodden on shoe right in it! Ahhhh.

Date: If you're a guy reading this, make sure you are the one paying for the date. No one cares if you asked her out, or if she did. Either way, you pay (i just rhymed. wooo). If you forgot your wallet, big deal! Call a friend when you're in the bathroom and tell him to bring some money for you so you don't look like a loser. Don't be embarrassed or shy. You asked her, right? Yeah? Better have. Since you asked her, don't say, "So where do you want to go?/What do you want to do?". Have a plan (A/B....maybe C). At least take a little bit of responsibility and say, "I was thinking that we should go paint balling and then get some ice cream". If she says 'yes', then congratulations. You're not a complete failure. If she says no because she's allergic to paint, guns, or sprinkles, say plan B: "If you didn't want to do that, we could blanketyblankblankblankeroo and eat at blanksteruno". Get it? Got it? Good.

Friend's House: I have encountered this problem many, many, MANY times. If you're the guest at this particular friend's house, be courteous to their stuff. I mean all kinds of things. Beds, makeup, books, food, toilets, etc. Trust me, you will not get invited over again if you don't follow that rule. Don't say you "need" something. Food, I mean. If you are starving because you haven't eaten in a week, at least tell them and say, "Could I have some pretzels? My diet is lacking in...food" Nothing annoys me more (well maybe insectsnastybugsstupidpeopletwilight) then that. But don't say, "Ahh I really want some ice cream" unless they offer it. And then, don't be all picky when they offer you some good stuff. Let's say they offer chocolate, vanilla, sherbet, caramel fudge brownie, cookie dough, mint, everythingyoucanfreakingthinkof and all you can say is, "Oh. Why don't you have pistachio walut butter pecan?". Of all the food they have, you pick the most obscure thing that no one could possibly have, unless they directly paid for it in the factory of Haagen Dazs!!!! Gahh. This kills me. Sorry, I don't think I'm getting to my point:
Do say: "Sure! Thank you so much!"
Don't you dare even think of: "Oh. Really? Don't you have Dr. Pepper instead?" in that STUPID disappointed tone.
At least be grateful for what they gave you. Maybe they don't want to give it to you anyway! Did you ever think about that? Maybe they knew you were always bugging people about it, so they didn't want to deal with you. Hah.

Restaurant: If you're drunk and loud, stop guzzling down that vodka and get the heck out of there before they call security. If you're not drunk, why are you that loud in the first place? Don't be obnoxiously loud, drunk or not. The whole reason of a restaurant is for people to eat the food that they're too lazy to make at home, chat about their atrocious lives, pay 4 times as much as the grocery store ingredients used to make the meal, then leave. You're not supposed to come in (already drunk, btw) with all of your friends you've ever had in high school, drink as much as you can, talk and laugh as loud as you can, and then not leave a tip! I know a tip isn't really a big deal at all, but for those poor waiters/waitresses who have to deal with drunkards all the time, it would be smart to leave a nice tip so they don't get too angry.

Grocery Store: Aha. This is the one you were waiting for, right? What really irks me the most there is when people take forever in line. I read on this Hallmark card once:
If you can't read it, theeeeenn.....that sucks. But this one part says, 'some dumb lady is turning her purse inside out to come up with "exact change," like she's gonna win some kind of "exact change trophy"'. This kind of thing happens countless times to innocent bystanders. If you're the victim, step away. This will take longer than your mom trying to figure out how to send a text message (i'm sarcastic, if you haven't guessed. some mothers are tech-savvy....okay, a couple). Now, if you are the demon person up there getting the "exact change," and you're taking forever, at least apologize for the line, then hand the cashier a stupid dollar. Don't apologize profusely while still angrily looking in your bag for an extra dime. It's going to take too long. People are getting frustrated, and I guarantee someone will punch you (if not them, then me). So just don't. Oh yeah, don't take forever mulling over the texture and color of tomatoes (or any other food). Just pick one! They'll taste the same anyway.

Facebook: For the past TWO DAYS that I've liked a group, this stupid person keeps messaging me about new funny pictures on the site. Stop spamming my socialnetworkingthingthatiusetopokepeopleon! Don't get me started on 'poking'. For those of you too old, young, or incapable of facebook, 'poking' is this stupid way to annoy people (real life and the internet). All you do is 'poke back' until someone basically freaks out and deletes you off of their friends list.

Life: Don't be negative and serious all the time. One of my friends is basically lethargic. No joke. She will sit on her butt all day and not even smile a bit. I understand that we all have these days, but she is like this every. single. day. It's basically like she's dead. So don't be this way. You'll annoy a lot of people and nobody will be your friend. Just sayin'....

Personality: Yeah, this is kinda like life. So. One of my friends said this to me all the freakin time: "You don't know what I'm going through! You think you have it hard!" I swear....you know these people, right? They're always keeping their life to themselves because they think they have the worst life ever and that everything sucks and nobody cares blahblahblahlehlehslkdfhsdghsdlkblah. Oh wait, are you one of those people? Oops...not. Suck it up already. People in Haiti have it worse than you, punk. These people "keep it all in" but they tell you all about it anyway. Yeah, that's confusing, I know. But this particular friend said this anytime I even tried to talk about family. I think one time I was just saying how my mom cleaned my room or something and then she spills into this stoopid tangent about her life. This simple rule will help you in every situation: just frickin' listen! Doesn't matter what they're talking about. As long as you're listening, people will love you, and you will never regret it. Then when you want to talk about something, they listen! Whooooa. Isn't that awesome? Don't be gossipy, either. Your life will be so screwed up. Hahaha.

Your life will be way more awesome if you follow this simple guideline that you people should already know about anyway. If you're already doing these things, then great. Have a better life than the people who don't and refuse to have manners. Jeesh.